Today was not a great day for me. My dad passed away 4 years ago today. My dad was my best friend. Growing up, I always had differences with my mom, but my dad supported me in everything that I did. When my parent's split for a little while, I lived with my dad. Not many children do that, but I knew that my life wouldn't be the same if I couldn't see my dad everyday. My dad was the person that I told everything to. He was the first person I told about my first kiss, my first real boyfriend..and yes, exactly what you are thinking. My dad didn't say anything when I told him that. He loved seeing me grow into a woman, beside's, he grew up with 3 sister's, he'd been through all of that before.
When I left and went to the National Ballet when I was 13 years old, my dad was there every Friday at 4:00 to pick me up, and brought me back downtown every Sunday in time for curfiew. He always encouraged me to follow my dreams, and believe in myself as a dancer.
When the chance to audition for Disney Cruise Lines came, my dad woke up at 3AM to take me to the audition, and sat around at the hotel until 11:00 at night until I had gone through the grueling 14 hour audition. When the offer came from Disney, my dad opened the letter without me even home, because he was so excited for me. He drove me to the airport when I left for Florida, and called me everyday during my 2 week training. And then he and my mom and brother surprised me on my first week on the cruise.
Honestly, I could write forever about the way's that he was always there for me, and the things that he did, but it's been a long day thinking about all these memories.
A few month's ago I went to a psycic. I was very sceptical about going, as I didn't know what to think about it. The first thing she asked when I walked in the room was why I am still feeling so guilty about my dad being gone. I simply replied that it was "because I didn't remember the last time I told him I loved him" and she said "he does. It was the night before you moved away." Okay, a little bit freeky.
So, we got talking, and she asked if I ever found dime's laying around. I told her that just that morning I had found a dime on the floor and picked it up saying "I better keep this, it's all I'm going to make today" and she told me that they are from my dad. He's leaving them as kisses. Since that day, not a day goes by that I don't find a dime laying around. Sometimes in the bottom of my washing machine, on the floor at work, randomly laying in the bottom of my purse. I know they are just dime's and that it's just a fluke that I find them laying around, but that is something that I will always hold special to me.
Well, I'm sure not all of you know this, but I love tattoo's. I currently have 5 of them, and wish that I could cover my body in them. I won't, but I really like them. I like that people use them as a way to express themselves. I decided that today was the day that I would finally get my tattoo done for my dad. I've been thinking about it since the day he passed. (I even drew one of an angel that I wanted that day, but the picture has sat in my wallet ever since) I put a lot of thought into it. I thought maybe I just wanted "daddy's girl" written, I looked at angel's, I looked at picture's of fish (he loved fish), I've looked at lyric's from his favourite band. But I settled on making my own, and putting a few memories into one tattoo.
When I was a kid, I loved Precious Moment's. I thought they were so pretty. So I found a picture of a Precious Moment's angel. Then I went onto thinking of words to put on it. I really liked "daddy's girl" but I wanted something with more meaning. My mom and dad used to call me "Becki Bear" when I was young, so I settled on "Daddy's bear", and then the picture I found had flowers at the bottom of it, but I decided that I really wanted the dime's to be a part of it, so I exchanged the flowers for stack's of coins. You can't tell that they are dime's, but I will enjoy telling people what they are and what they mean.
So, here's the finished project:
Before I go, I'll leave you with a story about my dad that always makes me laugh.
A week after I moved away, I called home to see how my parent's move had gone as well. It was March and unseasonably warm. So I asked my dad what he did that day. He replied with this:
"Yea, it was really warm. Everyone was outside walking their dogs, and I got jealous, so I took Amelia for a walk."
It took a minute for it all to sink in, but then it did...
was my dad's FISH that I got him for Christmas that year!
He was a very funny man.
Yea, I think I'm ready to do this on my own.
It's still a little bit scary, but I want you to know,
I'll be okay now daddy, you can let go.
Crystal Shawanda-"You Can Let Go"